I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
