I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
