Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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