I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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