Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
