then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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