This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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