i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
