I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
