Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
