I haven't been this sober since birth.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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