So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
