I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
