Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
