the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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