I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
