my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I want to walk on stilts...naked
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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