This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
