Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
