God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize