so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
do herpes really smell.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think people are normalizing furries
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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