In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
