2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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