You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
