There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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