so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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