I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
did you just send me my own nude
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
