i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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