I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
