The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
