nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
