last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
