Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
