I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
