i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
