She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
