i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
