I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
