I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
