sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
