i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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