I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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