I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm getting married
To pizza
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
