i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
