You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
