Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
