in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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