some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
