Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
