Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
