haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
