apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
