Someone shit on the floor
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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