my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
