okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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