If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
NoShamevember. You game?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
