he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
