"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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