My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
