whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
