She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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