I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm too high and old for this...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
