i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.