It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I told you penises don't tan
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.