On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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