It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
