I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
